Just remember....I wrote it for you.

It's shocking really how completely different my life has turned out....I had the opportunity to hang out with old friends from high school tonight and it was so great to see them. I love them...I've missed them but wow...I feel like sometimes I'm on a completely different life path then they are. Our night was spent catching up with little tid bits here and there about school, life, and most importantly love. Most of our conversation was taken up by the topic of marriage. MARRIAGE. Am I really that old? It seems crazy to think that in like 2 years most of my friends will be married. I'm old....ancient really. I don't even know if I'm there yet mentally....if I'll even let myself fall that far for a while. I sit here and think though...not that long ago that was my plan. I was there. I was ready then it all came crashing down. Now don't get me wrong....God taught me a lot of important lessons and I'm sure in all of these feelings of confusion and craziness His plan will shine through. It just seems so strange to me....to be in your early 20's and married. My sister did it, my best friend is doing it....I'm not saying it's not possible it's just strange to me. Maybe because of my experience I've become jaded to the whole idea of being married young, of living the whole fairy tale dream of love at first sight. Tonight as we were talking I found myself trying to talk my friends out of it...of being married so young. I told them I'll support them no matter what decision they make but geez oh peas....they're so young. We're so young....I feel like we have so much living still to do. Maybe it's selfish that I don't want to share that with anyone...that I don't want to be tied down and that I just want to live. I don't know. I'm in an entirely different world than they are these days. I remember how it was at IWU. In the process of getting your real degree, you get your MRS. degree. I get it...I was there. It's amazing how one love can just leave you jaded. It's not that I'm not over him because that's long over and long gone....but it's hard to think that had things worked out the way I planned I would married right now. This very second. Instead I'm not in school, waiting tables, and living at home. While my boyfriend's great and I don't really regret how things worked out, I can't help but feel like I've missed out. All my friends are getting married, talking engagement rings, moving on to the next chapter in life and I'm just stuck. My life is stuck in the college chapter for the moment. I want to move on too! I want to get to the next chapter in life but I guess I should finish writing the current chapter so my life...you know...makes sense. When you skip pages in a story nothing makes sense. I feel like skipping through real life would be way worse. I guess I'll just keep trudging through and keep writing my story. Just remember...I wrote it for you.

'tis the season....

Well ladies and gents, it's that time of year again! Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Hanukkah...etc. The holidays mean so many things...the optimistic see the family togetherness, the giving, the great food, and the magic of the holidays. The pessimistic see the consumerism, the long lines, the short fuses, and of course the unbearable parking. I'm not going to lie...the longer I work in customer service based places, the more pessimistic I become. Don't get me wrong, I love the family togetherness, the baking, the giving....it just seems to be overcast by the grumpy costumers, the poor tippers, the miserable parking and almost getting run over walking in to work by insane mall shoppers. Oh well I guess all I can say is, 'tis the season.

On a side note, I feel like I should find a new job. The one I currently have seems to be sucking the life out of me. Yeah tips are great...walking out every night I work with cash is wonderful, but sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for the food business. For starters I can barely spell restaurant. The only reason it was just spelled currently was because of spell check. Secondly, I feel like I'm just too nice. I used to be so nice, so happy. Then I started working there and slowly but surely, I've lost that happiness. So many people just complain about stupid things. Oh there's no ice tea? So let's stand here for 5 minutes and yell to see who's job it is to make the ice tea instead of you know....making it. Let's just use our brains for a second. Who really cares who's job it is....be a team player. Help out your co-worker and help yourself in the process. Don't just stand there and complain about it. Geez. I just feel like this place is making me lose parts of myself. I'm fading so fast and it's hard to just get my sanity back. I have a week off thank you Jesus to kind of just be a real person again. To just be happy. That's all I want in life really, to be happy. I leave in the morning for Indiana to go see my best friends. I just want to breath and feel happy again. Sometimes I feel like Indiana is the only place I can do that. Man, I love the country.