blah!

Ok ok ok. Here we go again with random nonsense that's been on my mind. I can tell you've all missed it.

Is it naive to believe in a love that lasts forever? That two people can actually make it through everything life throws their way and stay together until death parts them? I honestly, truly believe that it's possible and I honestly want that for my life. I just feel like it's so rare to find that. Every where you look people think of marriage as a temporary institution. Divorce is so common. I just don't understand. See...divorce and marriage is a sticky topic. I have plenty of friends who's parents are divorced and I'm sure I'll eventually have friends that get divorced. It's not like a judgement thing. People have their reasons for ending their marriages and that's up to them. It's their lives and they are free to do what they wish with them. I guess I'm just a little sad. As much as I want to say I don't want to ever get divorced I can't necessarily say that I'll never be divorced. I can say that I will never file. I'm too stubborn. The day that I actually do decide to marry someone from my side of things, they're stuck with me. I can't say that they'll feel the same way though. I mean they could say "I don't believe in divorce" but who's to say they won't change their mind someday? The thought of that happening to me is just....really really scary. I already don't handle break ups well...and that's just in dating relationships. Imagine what a mess I would be after a marriage failure. Sheesh.

I'm sure I have more to say on the topic...and about love in general really, but alas I'm too tired to really articulate my thoughts. Guess you're just going to be left with a cliff hanger....

Over-sharing with the interwebs, which is exactly what I'm doing.

So sometimes I wonder if sometimes we (meaning I) over-share about my life. I mean for starters, there are very very few people in my personal life that actually know I blog so even if they did take the time to read through my posts, they're actually people I don't mind knowing things so it's all good. I guess I'm just thinking more along the lines of facebook and twitter. Now naturally it's not like I'm saying they're a bad thing because I use both religiously, but it's getting to the point where I'm starting to wonder if I'm just sharing way too much about my life. Like, maybe somethings are just better left unsaid. This whole topic makes me think of a quote from the movie Easy A.

"I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?"

And that little nugget is said by the "cool" teacher of sorts in the movie played by Thomas Haden Church, and for real, I kind of agree. I mean I get the need to have to say something and get it off your chest but I feel like we, myself included, just use facebook and twitter as a force field of sorts. The things that we say on facebook and twitter are usually things that we don't have the balls to say in person or they're passive aggressive pokes and jabs at people that just pissed us off for the day. I don't know. I guess I'm just talking out of my butt here but sometimes I just wonder if I share far too much about my personal life with the interwebs and strangers that I've obviously never met, hence the term strangers. Now with most social networks you obviously have some level of "security" to protect your personal information but it's still possible to get hacked and such. Then there's the whole idea that you're sharing information with your "friends" but let's be real....how many of us are actually really good, super close friends with at least half of our facebook friends? Facebook is just a way to creep on other people's lives and pretend you're still friends when you 'like' their status or photo or whatever else they decide to post. Yeah it's great for networking, but for forming lifelong, actual friendships not so much. That needs to be done, you know...in real life. I guess I'm just trying to decide if I want a time out from facebook or not. To be honest, I don't know if I even had the balls to do it. Guess we'll see.

wahhhhh

So this is just going to be me whining ok? good. Glad we agree that it's ok and since I'm pretty sure not a lot of people read this so I don't plan to be super vague, especially since I can go back and edit it or delete it if I need to. Right now I just need to get this out.

Sooo there's this boy. He's been around for a little while....like 10 months or so. Now this boy is extremely adorable, extremely intelligent, and extremely fun to be around. Sounds like a match made in heaven right? Most days, yes. Lately...not so much. I get that we're two very very different people...for the most part that's why we work well together. That whole balancing each other out thing. But then we have are days when it's like BAM. you're VERY different. Now I'm not even going to try and say that everything is 100% his fault, because it's not. I panic easily. I over-analyze. I have a chronic need to try and fix everything. Those are my flaws. His biggest flaw (in my eyes) is the fact that when it comes to me, he doesn't argue or talk about relationship stuff. So when we're fighting or we disagree about something what would be a small disagreement turns into a fairly big argument that lasts days. It's annoying, really really annoying. Especially since arguing with a significant other is among my LEAST favorite things in the entire world. I know I need to just relax sometimes and realize that I just can't fix everything. Like in my head I know that, in reality I can't make myself do it. In order for me to relax I have to turn my phone off and leave it at home to even try and take my minds off things, but then that leads to a whole different level of anxiety that I won't have my phone on me if someone needs me. I'm crazy. Completely and entirely crazy. The anxiety technology brings sometimes is just too much, but I can't live without it. I just remember the days in jr. high and early high school before I had a cell phone when we used HOME phones. Heaven forbid right? Whenever I wanted to talk to my boyfriend at the time I called his house and we talked or he called my house and we talked. Now I'm old enough to have a cell phone and instead of using that for you know calling people, all we do now is text. Now texting is great, and it sucks. With texting you get zero vocal recognition so something that doesn't sound mean or angry could be read that way depending on the mood of the reader. So of course, when you're a raging crazy like I am at times you can see the mess it can create. Especially when that boy mentioned earlier that doesn't like to talk about relationship stuff also doesn't like to talk on the phone, so everything is through texting. See my dilema? See why I need to whine? See why I'm a raging nut case? Good. Me too.

head -vs- heart pt. 2

relates to the last post huh?

head -vs- heart

I think that may be the biggest fight of life. What should you listen to when it really comes down to it....your head? or your heart? Surely there must be a middle ground between the two but I'm pretty sure that would be your nose or your mouth so it would just end up with me smelling and eating everything so that's no good. But seriously, when it comes down to the hard things it's difficult to know which way to go. Countless songs and quotes tell you to listen to your heart, be true to your heart, follow your heart...etc. Then there's other songs and quotes to the opposite affect. Use your head, think things through...etc. Maybe you're just supposed to do both, depending on the situation and which one is applicable. You would think that at 22 years old I would have this stuff figured out. If only life got easier with time, instead it just gets harder, more complicated, and more frustrating.