Hate is a strong word....

How many times a day do you think you use that word? People are so quick to say how much they hate something or someone. We use that term so loosely and I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. Aren't we told by God to only hate what is evil? In Romans, we're told that our love must be sincere and we are commanded throughout the Bible to love. Well if our love is sincere we can't hate people right? So why is it that whenever someone hurts us by the choices they make we go straight to hatred. I think for me its like a defense mechanism. I figure if I hate that person then they can't hurt me, but I'm pretty sure in reality I'm just hurting myself. By clinging on to that hatred I can't let it go then I'm walking around weighed down with all this anger and resentment towards one person or in some cases more than one person. It's like I'm loading a wagon of crap....just piles and piles of dirty, smelly, crap and pulling it around with me. It's so not fun and I think I'm finally coming to a place in my life where I can forgive and love. It sounds so easy right? Trust me. It's not. Especially when the hurt is so deep. But I also believe in loving the person and hating the sin. For example....having a father who chooses to be a homosexual. I love my father....he's hilarious and I mean c'mon....it's my dad. I spent so many years hating him for leaving my mother, putting us through (for a lack of better term) hell, and turning his back on God and his family. I lugged around this wagon of crap and after awhile you just get tired of pulling the wagon so you can do one of two things. You can either roll in the crap and be consumed by the nastiness and smell and be unhappy, or you can let go of the handle. I chose to let go of the handle and let me tell you, it has been a total relief. I no longer have a crap wagon and I smell like roses. Now by no means am I perfect and so many times something happens that makes me want to get a new wagon and begin to pile on the crap, but some how I keep remembering how unhappy and how not fun a wagon full of crap is.

happy sweetest day!

It's sweetest day. Hooray for another hallmark holiday! However, I buy into them and I actually enjoy them even if I am single :)

Well, it's fall break. Oh my land! Half way through my first semester as an IWU student and I love it! Midterms pretty much kicked my butt....but oh well I knew that would happen. Well the ride home for break was....less than exciting. We drove home....enjoyed some of my music....and well that's about it! Thursday night I was able to go see Nate's parents which made me SO happy. I absolutely adore them and of course I saw Leo. I love his pup too. Last night though we went to a haunted house....NEVER AGAIN. The worst thing in the entire world. First of all, I can't stand people in costumes. It is SO CREEPY. Second of all, people popping out at you. NO THANK YOU. Scary movies I can do, haunted houses and such no thank you. Today I'm pretty excited. Park with Josh then Rent with Paige. Amazingness! :)

Apple Traditions

Ever since my sister met my brother-in-law we have all gone to the Macqueen's Apple Festival to pick apples and just hang out. Oh my word I love this tradition. I almost didn't come back for it because really....how great can it be? I'm so happy I came home. One I needed to clear my head from some of the situations back at school and two it was one of those things where its tradition. You can't really just stop tradition you know? Needless to say it was a wonderful day of climbing trees, homemade donuts, and some good old fashion apple picking :) Best fall tradition EVER

S.O.S.

It doesn't cease to amaze me how quickly I change my mind. I'm so fickle about so many things. I don't seem to know what I want. In one corner, there is someone that's new and pretty awesome, but in the other corner there is the familiar person that you have easy access to. So what do I do? Neither one is a guarantee of course. I just am so lost as what to do. I have fallen into this cycle so many times and its starting to take its toll on me both physically and emotionally. I always come back to this place where I've completely thrown in the towel and I'm ok with it and I'm ok with where I am in life. Then...BAM...blind-sided. So here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between the unfamiliar and familiar. While one is new and exciting, there is potentially for heartbreak. The other has left a cycle of heartbreak, but what if this time it really is different. See the dilemna? Here's my thinking. I'm going to do the only thing I really can do. Let go and let God.