Lies, Prayer, and Poopy Diapers?

In typical Chelsea fashion, I've managed to lose my barrings again. Everything I committed to doing back in March has slowly fallen apart and I'm back at square one again.

First off I have to say that I'm so thankful to have a loving God that not only loves me unconditionallybut also forgives me everytime I screw up...its a real comfort to know that He's always there, no matter what I've managed to screw up. I also want to say that I'm plowing through and shoveling up the crap thats been consuming my life. Like any type of thorough cleansing...it's going to take some time, some elbow grease, and a lot of focus. Lucky for me I have my tools....

Tool #1 : I have my Bible and the book I'm currently going through (Lies Young Women Believe) This book I first started reading when I was still and Indiana Wesleyan but I didn't get very far in it...I've read through the second chapter and my eyes have seriously been open to a lot of things that are wrong with my life...it's definitely been a helpful and challenging book.

Tool #2 : I have an amazing church that I attend. I've been at Emmanuel my entire life, and when I say entire I really mean it. I was born on a Sunday afternoon and Pastor Fuller announced my birth that night. Next Sunday you better believe I was there in all my awkward newborn baby looks. (sidenote...newborn babies look weird...alien-like almost...kind of freaky but apparently moms say theres nothing like the newborn smell? and what smell would that be...poopy diapers and spit-up?...end of sidenote) I've been at that church through it all and a million sunday school classes, thousands of memory verses, and hundreds of nilla wafers...I'm still there and I wouldn't have it any other way. God has brought an amazing new senior pastor to the church and I've definitely enjoyed his preaching.

Tool #3 : I have awesome friends. I have people that I can talk to about the happenings of my life and I have people that are willing to pray for me and encourage me in the different ways. God's been so good to me by giving me different people that have encouraged me my entire life. I'm so grateful for that...

It's going to be a long road and I'm still not going to be perfect. I was explaining to a friend tonight that I have a strong personality and change doesn't come easily for me. I know with God's help anything is possible, but for the record....I'm stubborn. I'll be sure to keep you posted on the happenings as they go....

Ain't that the way it goes...

Ain't that the way it goes...basically Gloriana is an amazing country band. I was unsure at first but I'm a fan. Its very like Little Big Town meets Sugarland meets Zac Brown band? That's the only way I can think to describe it...

I wish life had an "easy button". You see the staples commercials and all they do is hit the button and poof the problem is taken care of. It's amazing how one event will drastically change you forever. It affects every aspect of your life without you even realizing it. Awesome. Am I ever going to be back to my brand of normal again?

Another Day. Another Boyband...

Alright ladies...ready for a stroll down memory lane? I've had a lot on my mind recently and while this may not neccesarily apply to everyone, I know it definitely applies to me.

My whole life I've been labeled as "boy crazy". I think it all started at the age of 3 when I shared a play pen with a boy I affecionately nicknamed "Bubba". We went to the same horrible day care and had chicken pox at the same time. I think its safe to say he was my first "boyfriend", if at that age there is such a thing. It then escalated from Bubba to Chris Condon (who by the way is madly in love with my best friend...). Oh the memories I have of chasing him all over the playground aching for that one kiss. One fateful day I got that kiss...it took me and 6 other girls and I got a scrapped knee because of it, but it was totally worth it. It then slowly progressed to the days of 'N sync, Backstreet Boys, and Hanson. I was totally boyband crazy. I could tell you everything about them. What JC's favorite food was...Justin's favorite color...not to mention sing word for word to every song...

Here's my thought though...thinking back to those days of singing and "rocking out" to 'N sync. I could sing all those songs and not miss a word, but if you would've asked me what my Bible verse was I wouldn't be able to tell you. What does that tell you about my priorities? To this day I can still sing those songs word for word, but I can only quote a few of the "big" verses from my AWANA days. I wish I could say that as I've grown older and matured my priorities have shifted. I still find myself falling back into the boy-crazed state of mind. I obviously keep this blog, but I also keep a more detailed and private journal. The past couple days I've just noticed how far I've fallen since the God-high of the middle of the semester. I've been otherwise distracted with...you've guessed it...boys. I know there can be a happy medium...but I just have to get my priorities right. Not to mention the concept of boys/commitment/dating completely petrifies me. Never in my life did I think I would be afraid of commitment, but I guess that's just what happens when you've gotten burned. I've learned a lot...but I've got a long way to go before I'm anywhere near where I should be.

...After all this has passed I still will remain after I've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain though it won't be today someday I'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain You will bring beauty from my pain...

For MY thoughts are not YOUR thoughts...

Once again I've had that moment where I've shut down my computer and I'm restlessly lying in bed. There was just a nagging in my head. My thoughts were everywhere and then wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am a verse pops into my head...

Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

There is a phrase that I've recently used quite a bit. "I do what I want." The perfectly fitting phrase for a stubborn little booger head like myself. However, I have to think...how often has doing what I wanted gotten me into trouble? I mean seriously...lets think about this. I thought I knew what was best for me when I decided to go to the University of Toledo. Within the first couple days,I hated college. Now had I taken the right approach...maybe things wouldn't have happened that way. Maybe I would've gone away to school right away. Now of course God definitely has a way of bringing you to the right place that he has for you but then again I have to wonder how differently things would've been had I actually looking in to different school options. I wonder how many other aspects of my life would have been affected? Don't get me wrong...I'm pretty happy at the place in life God has me, but then again I apparently enjoy playing the "what-if" game.

• What if I took the right approach to choosing a school.
• What if I would've listened to my sister, best friends, and practically everyone else when it came to my love life.
• What if I actually battled against my stubborn habit and did what someone else wanted me to do?

See...now that's where the dilemma is. I can't spend my whole life doing what everyone else wants me to do. What kind of a life would that be anyway? Constantly living to please other people when in reality...who cares about their opinion. It's not like in the end their opinions are the ones that will really matter. Which brings me back to the verses. I read these verses on my friends xanga after she found out her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and I immediately wrote them down. They're pinned on my board along with a couple others I like to remember. God's plans are way bigger and way better than my plans. My plans are bland compared to his. I get to a point where I think "well ok God...things are going pretty well...I can take it from here..." and then like a slap in the face something bad happens and I go running back with my metophorical tail between my legs. It's a constant cycle. Now heres another question. WHY AM I SO RETARDED? I mean honestly...God has the perfect plan for my life and I have the audactiy to think that I can do better? How messed up is that. Here's my thinking and realize it's almost 2 o'clock in the morning so don't hold your breath for anything too earth-shattering. This is me after all...but here's my thought. Stubborness is kind of a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing when the thing your stubborn about is good. For example, I'm stubborn to the point that no matter what anyone tries to convince me...I will not stop believing in God. See..good stubborness. Now its bad when I'm stubborn enough to think that I can run my life better than someone who has proven over and over and over again that is plan is unbelievably better. I mean this is the God that planned out the lives of King David, Daniel, Esther, Paul...etc. When they followed God's plan for them, they were used in so many ways. When they tried things their own way...down the pooper they went. I'm kind of sick of being in the pooper. It's really no fun there. So here's my thinking...how about I keep the good stubborness...and lose the bad? Sound good? Why yes...yes it does. Sound easy? Well...yeah I guess a little. Will it be? HECK NO... but I'm going to try really really REALLY hard.

Because these things will change...

I'm tired. That's basically what it comes down to...I'm borderline crabby and kind of out of it so trying to create a coherent post may be more difficult than I initially thought when I started typing.

If you read back through past posts, change is a big concept in almost all of them. As redundant as it sounds...I'm going to talk about change once more. In one year more things have changed about me than in any other year. I've had more "defining moments" if you will...I went through a major change from college student living at home to a college student living "on her own". That was a big change. Then I had the whole changing of major thing...not to mention a pretty bad break up. God was so good to me through those changes and I know he'll help me through this next one....My friends are super important to me. I would say they are tied with my family for importance, especially my best friends. So riddle me this, what do you do when you're pretty much watching your entire friendship change and there really isn't anything you can do to stop it. You're going one direction and she's going the other. It's not much fun...not to mention you've been the way she's going and its really not that great of a place to go. Obviously I should give a warning or something but we would kind of need to talk for that to happen. It's not like we haven't tired...but we're both just super busy and have different priorities...who knows what'll happen. All I'm saying is it kind of sucks.

I have to say though, I'm thankful for my friends that don't change...no matter how long it's been since we last talked. I was in Columbusthis past weekend and I had the opportunity to hang out with my friend Seth for a little bit. That kid is practically made of awesome. I haven't seen him since last summer and especially during the school year we were both super busy so we didn't talk much either but when I was talking to him I felt like nothing had really changed. The conversation flowed freely and it was just really...chill. I love friendships like that. It's the same way with my honey bunny. I don't see her as often as I'd like but I don't really feel awkward having a conversation with her. I guess this is just a part of growing up...blah blah blah

Another Taylor Swift Song...

Its been another summer day and I feel like I have something to say but I can't quite place what it is so here I sit in my reading corner, drumming my fingers on my laptop.

I've been told by someone that my life reads like a Taylor Swift song and I have to admit I do have a tendency to switch gears into the teenage mind set but if you think about it...I'm still a teenager. I have almost exactly one month of teenage years left. So this brings me to ask....where has the time gone? Where did my days of coloring books and Where's Waldo go? Well I have to admit...I still enjoy a good Where's Waldo book and we all know I still have several coloring books I still color when I get the time but honestly where did the time go? I recently hung out with my honey bunny and instead of talking about the newest gossip around school or what we were going to wear to the next big party, we talked about careers...marriage...and the future. Can I just say OH MY CRAP. I feel so...old. Ridiculous right? I'm not even 20 years old yet and I'm classifying myself as old. Time just moves too quickly for me I suppose. I have friends that are getting married...friends that have already gotten married...and friends that are planning their engagments. It's insanity is what it is. It'd be nice to freeze time for a bit.

On another note...I'm a reader. Not sure when the whole "I love to read" thing started because if you ask any of my elementary teachers they would tell you how much I hated it. I would refuse to read....reading was stupid or atleast thats how I saw it. I think the whole reading kick came when the school started the lovely AR program. Oh Accelerated Reader...how you drove me crazy when I was in school. It turned out though that all those points I earned developed a love for reading in me. I guess I owe Mrs. Christiaanse and Mrs. Covrett for that. I've recently started combining my love for history with my love for reading. I'm in the process of reading two biographies. They're both a little random I'm aware but one is on Walt Disney and the other is Kirk Cameron. Yes...that's right. I'm reading Mike Seaver's biography. While reading through these, it makes me wonder...if I was interesting enough to right about what would my biography say? When I think back to my past years I can't really think of anything worth while. I mean sure...I have enough cute antedotes from my years as the pesky little asian girl that ran around being rambunctous and devious, but when it really comes down to it what worth while things have I done? Now I'm not expecting to create a cure for cancer because those that know me will tell you how horrible I am at science. I don't expect to save the world one hybrid car at a time. I don't really expect much I suppose. I just wonder what would be said. Would it be something along the lines of "oh Chelsea...that was the cute little asian girl" or "oh Chelsea...loud, obnoxious, and spoiled rotten but for some reason we still loved her" or would it be "Chelsea...while she had a lot of screw ups and made a lot of mistakes...she still tried to live each day being the best person she could be and used her gifts and talents all for the glory of God."

I'm not sure what my point was of this...maybe its just another day of rambling. Maybe I am turning into Taylor Swift...looks like only time will tell.

Mid-day Ramblings

Another day of summer. Another day of work. Another day without a nap...so tell me why is it that I'm blogging instead of napping? Apparently I'm just slightly retarded but I guess I'm ok with that for the time being...

One would think that something deep and profound would have happened to me in the past month or so since I've posted. I can honestly say I don't think anything has happened. Since I've been home from school I've managed to go back to Indiana twice and during the first trip I really learned some "life lessons" as lovely as they are.

Life lesson #1 : Girls are stupid. Shock of the century right there huh? Basically what it comes down to is girls are lame and they're mean and catty. I'm the first to admit that I can get like that but for the most part I just try to be chill because really who wants to stay in a high school state of mind forever? Not this chick...

Life lesson #2 : Not all boys should be trusted. That's a lesson I really should've learned a long time ago but for some reason I like to be naive and think that the bad apples are in the minority...when in reality they're the majority. I mean I know there are still some class act guys out there but up until recently I just kept finding douche bag after douche bag. To use a Caleb quote...NOT GOOD. Needless to say...I've definitely become a little paranoid about the people I hang out with. Last thing I need is a replay of some of the things that have happened this past semester.

Life lesson #3 : This one is one that has been drilled into my head over the past few months...I can thank my dear friend Josh for it and his love of John Piper. Don't Waste Your Life. Each day should be a day where I grow spiritually and find ways to serve Christ in my life. For me I know I don't always reflect a Christ-like attitude. I screw up a lot and I know that..shoot everyone knows that. I'm not going to try and make an excuse by saying its 'hard' or something else equally lame. Creating excuses won't do anything and it won't help me better myself. To quote relient k...the truth is excuses are lame. accept consequence, accept the blame. Based on stupid choices that I've made in the past...I'm still reaping the consequences and yeah it sucks but you learn to just go on and not make the same mistake twice...or three times...etc. Moral of the story is...Don't Waste Your Life (Phil. 1:20-21) [Josh...you're the best]

on a less serious note...here is a list of random things I've accomplished...

• I learned how to spell 'definitely'. I'm almost 20 years old for goodness sake and I didn't know how to spell it. Thank goodness for T9word.
  
• I completed my 60 hours of observation for my major. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...I'm curious to see what it would be like in a public school.
  
• I've made about a million cards [slight exaggeration] but really I haven't made any cards in a long time...so this was thrilling
  
• I (well ok...mommy) bought me Criminal Minds season 2. I don't know why I find the show so interesting but its quickly become an obsession.
  
• I currently have a Jack Johnson obsession. Lucky for me I have friends that are obsessed as well. Hooray for mix cds.