So there is a song out on K-Love and other Christian radio stations called I'm not who I was. I am obsessed with this song....you should definitely listen to it. I ended up buying one of his cds and found myself really relating to his lyrics...not to mention I really like his style...
School is just around the corner and I have to ask myself....are these changes I've fought so hard for going to stick? What happens when I'm not around the people that have been so influential in helping me change? Today at church, my friend Adam asked me a really important question and told me to let it "marinate" (his words not mine...) He asked me about all the changes in my life have been for a boy, or for God. I kind of just looked at him thinking to myself...wow I really can't believe he just asked me that question...what kind of a person does he think I am? Then I thought back to just the things I shared with him from my past...and saw what he meant. Adam is probably one of the few people that I am 100% honest with. He has this beautiful way of telling you straight up what he's thinking. When you've done something stupid...he lets you know and he and I have shared a lot of those moments. When he puts on that certain face with the furrowed eyebrows and points that finger at you....you know you're in for a little bit of a lecture, but you know sometimes I need that. So when he asked me that question I was caught off guard and even though I gave him my answer without letting it marinate, I stand by my answer. These changes weren't for a boy. Don't get me wrong...this boy is pretty great but all in all I've finally realized that before I get into a relationship with someone else, I need to have a solid relationship with the only person that really matters and that would God. I can't really explain what he's been doing in my life, other than slowly changing me. I realize how undeserving I really am and wonderful the gift of grace is. I can't believe how much time I've wasted trying to make myself happy and living for myself. That's not the person I want to be and I realize thats the person that I was. I'm not who I was. I don't ever want to be that person again and I'm excited about the new things that God is doing in my life now...
Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See! I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
...I'm aware of the person that I used to be and I realize change doesn't happen overnight, but I'm heading that direction and even though I don't have to answer to you, I'm determined to show you that its a genuine change. Just give me time...
