I'm trying really hard to keep up on my blogging and unfortunately its all just swirling down the crapper right now...so here's a snippet that's going on in my life....
God is good ALL the time. This is something that I'm struggling to remember...Everything that happens is in his perfect will for my life. HIS plan is much better than mine. These are all things I "know" but struggle to believe when things don't go my way. Let me fill you in. I am no longer going back to Indiana Wesleyan this semester...my loans didn't go through for some reason that is still unknown to me. In the days leading up to this I felt like something was going to happen....I was just very unsure as to why. WHY. This is the question I've been asking a lot lately. WHY am I still in Toledo? WHY didn't my loans go through? I just don't understand and I realize that God is God...I don't have to understand what's going on. I am in loving and completely capable hands. God knows what was going to happen today...last week...next week...and 30 years from now. WHY should I worry? WHY should I act like a petulant child? Right now I'm still in the confused questioning stage...obviously. All I can see right now is all the plans I made disintegrating before my very eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it....and you know what? that's ok. I'm not going to go back to pushing for my way. My way rarely works out well for me in the end. I'm just in a perpetual state of confusion these days...but I'm sure I'll come out on the other end grateful and happy for these moments.
Today I went to IWU to cancel all my classes, shut down my housing, and talk with financial aid. Needless to say it was a VERY long day. I miss my friends but for some reason I was just in a horrible mood while I was there. Just being there didn't really feel right...it was very confusing. Moment after moment I felt myself getting more and more irritated and aggrivated over the slightest things. Keep in mind that it is the first week of school so the freshman are EVERYWHERE. The student center was bustling with pretty much the entire campus. The offices were packed to the max with worried students (like myself) trying to get everything settled in to place for their semester. With every passing student and every long line I had to wait in, the little bits of patience I had disappeared quicker and quicker. It was like everything was just off...not just the timing, but my friendships, school work, loans...all these things combined just created this scenario that had me wondering what on earth God was doing. I'm still at that place. WHAT IS GOING ON?
[Isaiah 55:8-9]
