who am i?

Honestly...who am I?

I am a dreadful, evil, and prideful sinner...yet God still loves me. I serve an amazing God. I have been learning so much in such a short time...I can't really explain how I'm feeling right now. I guess I'm just so thankful and so shocked that despite my many many pitfalls God still wants me. ME. It blows my mind.

I've been doing a lot of two things.

1) Reading Lies Young Women Believe (yes..I'm still reading the book)
2) Listening to Mark Driscoll sermons.(http://www.marshillchurch.org/)

I wish I would have read the book earlier. So many things would have been different in my high school and early college years. Something I've been convicted about it friendship. It's not about who I like or who likes me...it's about who needs a friend. I feel like sometimes I think about myself too often. I have the "well what would people think of me if I talked to them..." thoughts and thats just ridiculous. Think about it...Jesus was friends with the lepers...the prostitutes...the tax collectors. These were all people that were socially unacceptable to be seen with let alone extend friendship to. Surely if Jesus can do that I can befriend the weak nerd that has odd tendencies. Surely I can be friends with the girl that has been picked on through her entire high school career. I realize I'm totally guilty of this. I've always been quick to judge and quick to think I'm "too good" to hang out with someone. That's totally the wrong attitude to have...and I can't believe I've wasted so much time doing it.

Mark Driscoll is wonderful. Plain and simple. I've been listening to this Redeeming Ruth messages and they've been interesting and challenging to hear. I always thought as the book of Ruth as this great love story about Ruth and Boaz and how Boaz takes Ruth in despite their difference in backgrounds and her financial state. It's always been one of those "I want a man like Boaz" stories, and while Boaz still is pretty awesome and definitely Ruth's knight in shining armor, I guess I missed the obvious. The story of Ruth and Boaz is the Gospel. Ruth is the figure for me (or us) and Boaz is Jesus. I won't do it justice if I try to explain it....just listen to it. It's good stuff...

20 years...

Well I've succesfully made it through another birthday and this one was totally boss. By far the best birthday I've had in a very very long time...if not ever. My friends have been so amazing and went far beyond what I expected. Now don't go thinking I've become a big birthday lover because I'm not really...but I just had a very chill day and was able to just enjoy myself. It was by far what I wanted and needed...

God has been so good to me and has given me more than I deserve. I have wonderful friends that I love and love me. I spent the afternoon at the Steele's house and that entire family is just wonderful...I love going over there and just talking to Mrs. Steele...listening to Jordyn....watching Princess Protection Program with Janae...then bugging Josh and Mr. Steele when they get home from work. They always give me something to smile about lol

I feel pretty content with my life right now. Like I know that God has the ultimate control over my life and my biggest wants at the moment is basically just growing closer to him. It's not neccesarily a bad want to have right now. Maybe its just because I had a wonderful day but I'm just settled and happy with my life right now. God's brought me to the place I need to be right now and it's pretty solid...life is good =)

vacation...

So here I sit in phase 2 of my road trip vacation. I have to say I'm enjoying my time...it's definitely been restful!

phase 1 : Peoria, Illinois

Oh how I miss the Hellige family! They were so unbelievably kind and hospitable to me while I was there! I got to just relax and not worry about really anything. It was nice to hang out with Katie and my Jakey boy. I've missed those two so very much. I got to catch up with Katie and talk about the future...school...boys. Oh it was wonderful! And then theres Jake...oh that boy. Let me tell you he's quite a funny kid to be around. He took me out for a "hot date" on Saturday night and showed me a good time in P-town. It was pretty much awesome.

phase 2 : Fairmount, Indiana

I've been here a million times before...yet its always nice to come back. I've only been here a day and they're already picking on me...annoying me...just like the way things always will be. Oh these boys...they keep me entertained! It's great though...It'll be a few days full of fires...s'mores...and apparently a softball game. Let the good times roll.

imperfection is what i'm full of...

This book is blowing my mind. I can't believe how many of Satan's lies I choose to believe. I could list them all for you but it would be far too long. I have so many things that are constant struggles in my life. I deal with the shallow aspect of physical beauty. I struggle with trying to buy my happiness. I struggle with forgiving those who've abandoned me. I struggle with finding my worth in God, not what I do on earth. I have so many struggles that have been pointed out to me and I'm not even halfway through this book. God is opening my eyes right now and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. I want to break free from these holds that Satan has on me and I know it won't be an easy road, so I'll appreciate the prayers...

imperfect and broken are two things I currently am. Only God can piece me back to what I need to be.

just one of those days...

Today was another one of those days. You know those days when you've been gone all day but gotten nothing accomplished? One of those days where you're just tired at the end of from doing a whole lot of nothing? Yes....it's been one of those days.

Before I crawl into bed I just want to take a moment to get some writing out of my system.

It's amazing to see what can happen in 6 months. I realize how obsessed I am with going back and looking at things of the past but c'mon...I'm a history major...I think that's a give in. I was reading through my journal entries (yes..I keep a blog AND a journal...) and its amazing to see how God really worked in each situation. The doubts that I had about my relationship with Nate...how we had so many problems and I really wanted God to show me His will and He did. The moments of lonliness in a big new school...God sent me the close friendships I was seeking. The direction in seeking a new major...just everything I needed He provided. When I think back even further I realize all the other ways He really provided for me and my family. After my dad left He kept the people in our lives that would help us out. He provided the furniture...the cars...the food...the hot water...and the positivity of the people around us. Sure we got those "aww...poor thing" looks but over all he kept the right people in our lives. It's pretty awesome to see how all things work together for good...(is it sad that I just heard that in John Piper's voice?)

Goodnight and bagel bites everyone....

Lies, Prayer, and Poopy Diapers?

In typical Chelsea fashion, I've managed to lose my barrings again. Everything I committed to doing back in March has slowly fallen apart and I'm back at square one again.

First off I have to say that I'm so thankful to have a loving God that not only loves me unconditionallybut also forgives me everytime I screw up...its a real comfort to know that He's always there, no matter what I've managed to screw up. I also want to say that I'm plowing through and shoveling up the crap thats been consuming my life. Like any type of thorough cleansing...it's going to take some time, some elbow grease, and a lot of focus. Lucky for me I have my tools....

Tool #1 : I have my Bible and the book I'm currently going through (Lies Young Women Believe) This book I first started reading when I was still and Indiana Wesleyan but I didn't get very far in it...I've read through the second chapter and my eyes have seriously been open to a lot of things that are wrong with my life...it's definitely been a helpful and challenging book.

Tool #2 : I have an amazing church that I attend. I've been at Emmanuel my entire life, and when I say entire I really mean it. I was born on a Sunday afternoon and Pastor Fuller announced my birth that night. Next Sunday you better believe I was there in all my awkward newborn baby looks. (sidenote...newborn babies look weird...alien-like almost...kind of freaky but apparently moms say theres nothing like the newborn smell? and what smell would that be...poopy diapers and spit-up?...end of sidenote) I've been at that church through it all and a million sunday school classes, thousands of memory verses, and hundreds of nilla wafers...I'm still there and I wouldn't have it any other way. God has brought an amazing new senior pastor to the church and I've definitely enjoyed his preaching.

Tool #3 : I have awesome friends. I have people that I can talk to about the happenings of my life and I have people that are willing to pray for me and encourage me in the different ways. God's been so good to me by giving me different people that have encouraged me my entire life. I'm so grateful for that...

It's going to be a long road and I'm still not going to be perfect. I was explaining to a friend tonight that I have a strong personality and change doesn't come easily for me. I know with God's help anything is possible, but for the record....I'm stubborn. I'll be sure to keep you posted on the happenings as they go....

Ain't that the way it goes...

Ain't that the way it goes...basically Gloriana is an amazing country band. I was unsure at first but I'm a fan. Its very like Little Big Town meets Sugarland meets Zac Brown band? That's the only way I can think to describe it...

I wish life had an "easy button". You see the staples commercials and all they do is hit the button and poof the problem is taken care of. It's amazing how one event will drastically change you forever. It affects every aspect of your life without you even realizing it. Awesome. Am I ever going to be back to my brand of normal again?