click click PANCAKES.

I would be the one that wakes up at 2 am wanting pancakes. I also would be the one that goes downstairs to the freezer to get some (Ego does pancakes now...it makes my life easier). Now that I've satisfied another ridiculous early morning craving I find the sugar from the syrup keeping me a little buzzed. Here I sit...well ok lay...on my bed thinking about life and all the crazy things that happen.

I'm so thankful that I serve a God that really cares about me, even about the little things...things like letting my birthday flowers last this long (maybe I know nothing about flowers...but a week is a pretty long time when they're in a vase right?) or things like having a glue gun to finish up my DFTBA letters so I don't have to buy another one. Its the little things in life really.

I've been listening to the Redeeming Ruth series lately by Mark Driscoll (I mentioned him earlier...REALLY good) and it has me thinking about love and God's hand in the love lives of his children. I'll admit it....there is a boy that I like...a lot. In case you don't understand what I mean when I say that, I'll revert to being in second grade again... I like him-like him. There are so many things that have happened that I don't want to over-analyze and read into...but it just seems like its God's way to doing things? Yet again, I wonder...maybe I'm really just over-analyzing things. I mean, let's get real here. I'm a female...generally speaking, females tend to over-analyze things. I am one of those females. I can over-analyze and this is one of those delicate situations where I really don't want to. The way I see it is this...it's already mid-July (its my mommy's birthday today btw...happy birthday mommy :) in a few short weeks he'll be packing up and leaving for school...a few weeks after that I'm packing up and leaving for school. I've already prayed a lot about it and I've basically just handed the situation over to God. He knows what the best scenario is for both of us and if that involves us being together great. If he calls for me to remain just friends with him that's great too. I've learned to just not push the envelope when it comes to trying to get my way. I did that once with a relationship and I'll never consciously do it again. I'm no longer in control of my life. God is at the wheel and he knows the best way to steer. He knows the path I need to travel and He knows what's best for me. Once again I ask...who am I? Who am I to question the almighty creator? Me. a small speck compared to him. If you want to think of it in terms of Dr. Seuss....I'm a Who in Whoville...that's how small I am in the scheme of things. God is my Horton. My hero. He can see things in the big perspective. All I can see is what's around me. I can't see the bigger picture, so I'd rather let God take care of it.

who am i?

Honestly...who am I?

I am a dreadful, evil, and prideful sinner...yet God still loves me. I serve an amazing God. I have been learning so much in such a short time...I can't really explain how I'm feeling right now. I guess I'm just so thankful and so shocked that despite my many many pitfalls God still wants me. ME. It blows my mind.

I've been doing a lot of two things.

1) Reading Lies Young Women Believe (yes..I'm still reading the book)
2) Listening to Mark Driscoll sermons.(http://www.marshillchurch.org/)

I wish I would have read the book earlier. So many things would have been different in my high school and early college years. Something I've been convicted about it friendship. It's not about who I like or who likes me...it's about who needs a friend. I feel like sometimes I think about myself too often. I have the "well what would people think of me if I talked to them..." thoughts and thats just ridiculous. Think about it...Jesus was friends with the lepers...the prostitutes...the tax collectors. These were all people that were socially unacceptable to be seen with let alone extend friendship to. Surely if Jesus can do that I can befriend the weak nerd that has odd tendencies. Surely I can be friends with the girl that has been picked on through her entire high school career. I realize I'm totally guilty of this. I've always been quick to judge and quick to think I'm "too good" to hang out with someone. That's totally the wrong attitude to have...and I can't believe I've wasted so much time doing it.

Mark Driscoll is wonderful. Plain and simple. I've been listening to this Redeeming Ruth messages and they've been interesting and challenging to hear. I always thought as the book of Ruth as this great love story about Ruth and Boaz and how Boaz takes Ruth in despite their difference in backgrounds and her financial state. It's always been one of those "I want a man like Boaz" stories, and while Boaz still is pretty awesome and definitely Ruth's knight in shining armor, I guess I missed the obvious. The story of Ruth and Boaz is the Gospel. Ruth is the figure for me (or us) and Boaz is Jesus. I won't do it justice if I try to explain it....just listen to it. It's good stuff...

20 years...

Well I've succesfully made it through another birthday and this one was totally boss. By far the best birthday I've had in a very very long time...if not ever. My friends have been so amazing and went far beyond what I expected. Now don't go thinking I've become a big birthday lover because I'm not really...but I just had a very chill day and was able to just enjoy myself. It was by far what I wanted and needed...

God has been so good to me and has given me more than I deserve. I have wonderful friends that I love and love me. I spent the afternoon at the Steele's house and that entire family is just wonderful...I love going over there and just talking to Mrs. Steele...listening to Jordyn....watching Princess Protection Program with Janae...then bugging Josh and Mr. Steele when they get home from work. They always give me something to smile about lol

I feel pretty content with my life right now. Like I know that God has the ultimate control over my life and my biggest wants at the moment is basically just growing closer to him. It's not neccesarily a bad want to have right now. Maybe its just because I had a wonderful day but I'm just settled and happy with my life right now. God's brought me to the place I need to be right now and it's pretty solid...life is good =)

vacation...

So here I sit in phase 2 of my road trip vacation. I have to say I'm enjoying my time...it's definitely been restful!

phase 1 : Peoria, Illinois

Oh how I miss the Hellige family! They were so unbelievably kind and hospitable to me while I was there! I got to just relax and not worry about really anything. It was nice to hang out with Katie and my Jakey boy. I've missed those two so very much. I got to catch up with Katie and talk about the future...school...boys. Oh it was wonderful! And then theres Jake...oh that boy. Let me tell you he's quite a funny kid to be around. He took me out for a "hot date" on Saturday night and showed me a good time in P-town. It was pretty much awesome.

phase 2 : Fairmount, Indiana

I've been here a million times before...yet its always nice to come back. I've only been here a day and they're already picking on me...annoying me...just like the way things always will be. Oh these boys...they keep me entertained! It's great though...It'll be a few days full of fires...s'mores...and apparently a softball game. Let the good times roll.

imperfection is what i'm full of...

This book is blowing my mind. I can't believe how many of Satan's lies I choose to believe. I could list them all for you but it would be far too long. I have so many things that are constant struggles in my life. I deal with the shallow aspect of physical beauty. I struggle with trying to buy my happiness. I struggle with forgiving those who've abandoned me. I struggle with finding my worth in God, not what I do on earth. I have so many struggles that have been pointed out to me and I'm not even halfway through this book. God is opening my eyes right now and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. I want to break free from these holds that Satan has on me and I know it won't be an easy road, so I'll appreciate the prayers...

imperfect and broken are two things I currently am. Only God can piece me back to what I need to be.

just one of those days...

Today was another one of those days. You know those days when you've been gone all day but gotten nothing accomplished? One of those days where you're just tired at the end of from doing a whole lot of nothing? Yes....it's been one of those days.

Before I crawl into bed I just want to take a moment to get some writing out of my system.

It's amazing to see what can happen in 6 months. I realize how obsessed I am with going back and looking at things of the past but c'mon...I'm a history major...I think that's a give in. I was reading through my journal entries (yes..I keep a blog AND a journal...) and its amazing to see how God really worked in each situation. The doubts that I had about my relationship with Nate...how we had so many problems and I really wanted God to show me His will and He did. The moments of lonliness in a big new school...God sent me the close friendships I was seeking. The direction in seeking a new major...just everything I needed He provided. When I think back even further I realize all the other ways He really provided for me and my family. After my dad left He kept the people in our lives that would help us out. He provided the furniture...the cars...the food...the hot water...and the positivity of the people around us. Sure we got those "aww...poor thing" looks but over all he kept the right people in our lives. It's pretty awesome to see how all things work together for good...(is it sad that I just heard that in John Piper's voice?)

Goodnight and bagel bites everyone....

Lies, Prayer, and Poopy Diapers?

In typical Chelsea fashion, I've managed to lose my barrings again. Everything I committed to doing back in March has slowly fallen apart and I'm back at square one again.

First off I have to say that I'm so thankful to have a loving God that not only loves me unconditionallybut also forgives me everytime I screw up...its a real comfort to know that He's always there, no matter what I've managed to screw up. I also want to say that I'm plowing through and shoveling up the crap thats been consuming my life. Like any type of thorough cleansing...it's going to take some time, some elbow grease, and a lot of focus. Lucky for me I have my tools....

Tool #1 : I have my Bible and the book I'm currently going through (Lies Young Women Believe) This book I first started reading when I was still and Indiana Wesleyan but I didn't get very far in it...I've read through the second chapter and my eyes have seriously been open to a lot of things that are wrong with my life...it's definitely been a helpful and challenging book.

Tool #2 : I have an amazing church that I attend. I've been at Emmanuel my entire life, and when I say entire I really mean it. I was born on a Sunday afternoon and Pastor Fuller announced my birth that night. Next Sunday you better believe I was there in all my awkward newborn baby looks. (sidenote...newborn babies look weird...alien-like almost...kind of freaky but apparently moms say theres nothing like the newborn smell? and what smell would that be...poopy diapers and spit-up?...end of sidenote) I've been at that church through it all and a million sunday school classes, thousands of memory verses, and hundreds of nilla wafers...I'm still there and I wouldn't have it any other way. God has brought an amazing new senior pastor to the church and I've definitely enjoyed his preaching.

Tool #3 : I have awesome friends. I have people that I can talk to about the happenings of my life and I have people that are willing to pray for me and encourage me in the different ways. God's been so good to me by giving me different people that have encouraged me my entire life. I'm so grateful for that...

It's going to be a long road and I'm still not going to be perfect. I was explaining to a friend tonight that I have a strong personality and change doesn't come easily for me. I know with God's help anything is possible, but for the record....I'm stubborn. I'll be sure to keep you posted on the happenings as they go....