These Days...

My life these days has turned in to a dull and droll life, but don't get me wrong...I kind of love it that way. I've recently been catching up with old friends and they keep asking the same questions..."how have you been?!" "what have you been up to?!"...etc. Each time the only thing I can do is respond with the same, boring and pathetic answer of "nothing." Honestly, its true. I don't do much. I go to work. I come home. I read books. I watch my shows. Those four things sum up my life.

Now to some, my life sounds boring and horrible, but for me, I'm learning to enjoy it. I'm not really used to having all this down time. I'm used to running around, having chaotic weeks of homework, projects, deadlines...BLAH! This downtime thing is kind of nice. Actually, no...it's REALLY nice. Have I been bored? For sure...but I've enjoyed it. Sadly for me...my time of having nothing but work is slowly coming to an end. Next semester I'm to be in classes. Oh school...how I've missed thee.

Oh Nerdiness...

Oh nerdiness...you've gotten the best of me once again.

For some reason I keep finding things that I think are cool that I want to learn to do. Video editing for example...I wish I knew how to do it. I've created a youtube channel for...various reasons. Basically it keeps me updated on my numerous video blogs that I watch and this way I can actually feel like I'm contributing through ratings and comments and such. I've also joined dailybooth. It's twitter with pictures....much more entertaining for me. I have a twitter...but I'm not as active as I should be I suppose. Call me crazy but I've apparently not been bitten by the twitter bug. I feel like I've just created two more accounts for me to neglect. I mean I haven't posted on here in...like two weeks? And even the last post wasn't exactly a happy one. Just the late night ramblings of a pissy girl. My apologies...I'd say it won't happen again, but I'm sure you all know me far too well. It will happen again because well, lets be realistic. Life isn't perfect. It'll get you down. When it gets you down...sometimes you just need to whine so that's what I do. It's a therapy of sorts...and its a crap ton cheaper than laying on some couch having some balding and middle-aged man asking me "how does that make you feel?" Just saying...

In recent news, in case you haven't check the date on the calendar, thanksgiving is this week. Time to chalk up one more holiday with my dysfunctional and lovable family. Dad's bringing his boyfriend...which means I'll have an array of gluten-free dishes to choose from. Looks like I'm not getting mashed potatoes this year. Call me selfish....but I enjoy my mashed potatoes. I'm not saying Jim has to eat them obviously because the last thing we need is to make a hospital trip again but I'm hoping the mashed taters make an appearance. Oh they sound delicious. Of course I have a ridiculous amount of baking to do as well. Having your brother getting assigned dessert duty is wonderful....especially when he can't bake to save his life. Here we go again for another lovely holiday season.

Liar Liar, I hope your pants are on fire....

I've made another trip down to Cincinnati and my thoughts can't help but wander. This was supposed to be a pretty big weekend for me. Good things were supposed to happen...but it was all according to MY plan which as we've already established isn't what I should be concerned about....

I'm kind of just apathetic towards life right now. One moment I'm up, the next moment I'm down. I'm entirely too trusting and I'm extremely gullible. I pretty much believe everything people say without thinking twice about it. In doing that I get screwed....a lot. I believe all the excuses..."oh my phones broken" "oh well I already have a lot going on..." etc. Here's a clue dipstick. If you want me to believe your phone is broken you might want to try not updating your facebook status from your PHONE. It'll make your lie a little more believable.

If you can't tell I'm in a bit of a grumpy mood. You'll have that when you're lied to....

What a Beautiful Mess...

So I'm really good at making messes. Whether its a good baking mess in the kitchen or just a mess of my life, whatever way you want to spin it I do a good job of messing things up. When it comes to cleaning things up, I'm much better at cleaning a kitchen than cleaning up my life. Now don't think I'm in complete shambles because I'm not....but I tend to get into sticky situations with hard decisions to make. Ultimately...I know it's really not in my control anymore. It's too late for me to try and fix everything. I just need to hand my mess over to the capable and mighty hands of an all-powerful God.

If you're a parent think about your kids....if you're not use your imagination. Imagine your precious little child decides to go on an independent streak. Pretend your child thinks they can do everything on their own. This involves everything from going potty to cutting with a sharp knife. Lets say in their independent streak they decide to make lunch for themselves and of course...they want a peanut butter and jelly with macaroni and cheese and a tall glass of milk. You agree with the stimulation that whatever they make they clean up so they don't leave a mess in the kitchen and they agree. They set to making their pb and j and surprisingly don't make too much of a mess. Maybe just a little jelly on the counter but nothing they can't clean up themselves. So they set to making their mac and cheese. (sidenote...why anyone would want a pb and j and mac and cheese at the same time...I don't know)...They boil their water, add the noodles and leave it unattended. The boiling water overflows and you've got noodle water all over the stovetop. You try and step in to help but they insist they can do it on their own and don't need your help and tell you to go sit down, so you do. Once the noodles are done they add the powdered cheese (blehh, gross), the butter, and the milk of course spilling things all over the place. Then while they still have the milk out they climb on the counter to get a tall glass so they can have some milk with their oddly chosen meal. In the process of getting the glass they break a shelf and down comes all the plates...BUT they got the treasured glass. They pour the milk and knock the glass over a few dozen times but successfully get one glass of milk....and then its time for lunch. But then the child remembers the agreement. They have to clean up. They turn to see the mess they've created in the kitchen and then comes the overwhelming feeling that the mess they've created is too much for them to clean up on their own. And that's when that sweet stubborn little child comes running to you for help to clean up the kitchen.

Ok that was a very lengthy analogy but bear with me. Can you see the disaster of the kitchen right now? All because they wanted to do it by themselves. My life is the kitchen and I am that stubborn child on an independent streak and of course God was there waiting to help me, tried to help me but in the stubborness and stupidity I thought I could do it on my own. Now I have a mess to clean up and it's just too much for me to do on my own. I can't do it on my own. I'll just make a bigger mess and I feel like a fool. God, I'm wrong. I've been wrong. I can't do it on my own. Will you help me clean up my mess one more time? I'm sorry I didn't listen. I'm stupid and stubborn and I pray that you'll help me clean up my mess one more time.

stop and smell the roses...

Every wish you took the time to stop and smell the roses? If you're anything like me, I'm going to go ahead and say...yeah you probably do; and once again if you're anything like me you find yourself so busy that in order to stop and smell the roses you have to actually schedule time to do it....

Maybe I just have my priorities mixed up. I'm not even in school right now and I'm barely getting time at work so where does my time go? I mean honestly...how am I so busy with absolutely nothing? I feel like I've wasted many days away, but I have to say (and quote a Brad Paisley song...) when I say that it was time well wasted. So maybe I didn't get the job applications I need or maybe I didn't clean the house. I did manage to spend time with my sister in Cincinnati, go over to my Nana's and just shoot the breeze for a while, bake cupcakes for some friends, and make two trips down to Kentucky to see one of my best friends and an amazing guy. So maybe the choices I made weren't the most responsible decisions but who cares. It was time well wasted for me....

Fall is a season of change (yes...once again I'm talking about change. shocker). The leaves turn beautiful shades of golden yellows, fiery oranges, and brilliant reds. The weather shifts from the warm summer breezes to the crisp and nippy autumn winds. Fall is also the time when mothers are sending their babies off to their first days of kindergarten or watching their sons or daughters drive off to their freshman year of college. Fall brings lots of firsts and lots of changes. It's a beautiful season and an enjoyable time for me. It begs the question though...what is changing for me? What is that God wants to change in me? Now don't misconstrue what I'm saying into something like God can only work to change me in the fall. You'd be stupid to think that's what I'm saying. All I'm asking is what is it that God wants to change? I'm a flawed and fallen human being....God really has the pick of the litter in decided what I need to work on. What is it that you want me to work on now God? Show me my inevitable flaws.

God, I don't deserve any of this. I am so thankful for the blessings you've placed in my life. For the people you've taken away and for the people you've dropped in. God you are so amazing and I am so thankful to call you my Father. Thank you for all you've done and all you'll continue to do in my life. You continue to surprise me day after day and I don't deserve the blessings you've given me Lord. I'm so thankful.

Wait and See...

I've never been a huge fan of Christian music. Call me what you will...but I just don't like it. Too many bands try and give the "secular" sound and they just try far too hard and it annoys me....needless to say it's rare if there is Christian music play in my car. The only exceptions to that rule would be Brandon Heath, Francesca Battistelli, and Hillsong ....

Brandon Heath...his music is has that chill feel and his lyrics are so easily related to my life. He has a way of speaking straight into my heart and reminding me that God knows and God cares. Every aspect of my life, MY God is there and MY God has a plan. I just have to remember to let go and let God take the reigns.

Francesca Battistelli...her music is very similar to Brandon Heath's and does the same thing for me. It's just different seeing as it's from a female perspective. Her songs have reminded me so many times to just let go. Let go of my fears. Let go of my past. Let go and Let God. In God's love, despite my screw ups and failures...I'm free to be me.

Hillsong...by far the best praise and worship on the planet. I love singing along to their CD and just praising God. I've been told that going to one of their concerts is one of the best worship experiences of one's life. Just imagine it....a sold out arena, hundreds of thousands of people all singing together praises to an almighty God. That's just enough to put a chill down your spine...

Now I didn't mean for this to read like a music review because if you know anything about my music taste you'll know its pretty well...lame. I was just saying if you're anything like me and really don't dig on the Christian music scene, these are 3 phenomenal artists you should check out....

God is good. Sometimes I forget just how great. I get so caught up in the happenings of life and everything just comes at me all at once and I just need to stop...reflect...listen. Life is full of distractions and full of noise. Sometimes its good to just get away. I'm going to make it my goal to just sit in the quiet and pray, praise, and listen to what the Almighty Creator has for me. My life is yours God. Show me where to go.