no.more.casanova's

I just wish people could be real with me sometimes. I've never been one for sweet talk. Be honest with me. Don't try and tell me that I'm so awesome or that I'm the most beautiful girl you've ever met. These are lines and pretty crappy ones at that. Just be real with me. I know my flaws are there. They stare me in the face everyday. I'm sure that anyone who reads this is going to be like "is this girl REALLY complaining about being told she's pretty..." and the answer to that question is yes, I am. I'm not going to say I've been hearing this all my life because I haven't. Once I hit high school and college though, I started hearing it and at first I fell for it...every time. Now I just don't believe them. I don't know if it's because I've been used too many times or if it's because I've fallen for douche bag after douche bag, but it's gotten to the point where I just want someone to be real with me. Stop trying to sweet talk me and just talk to me. Don't treat me like every other girl. I'm not every other girl. I'm me. I'm Chelsea. I'm an individual. Don't come at me with all these tired lines and expect them to work on me. Be a real person because that's what I want. I don't want someone that's a smooth talker.

I realize this post comes across as arrogant and self-centered but please realize that is not what I intended. I'm just frustrated with guys that sweet talk. It doesn't work on me. It just makes me suspicious and paranoid. Tonight I've heard all sorts of sweet talking and lines from guys and it finally got to the point where I turned to one of my good friends and just asked him to be real with me for one second. I needed someone to just talk to me like a normal person. Not tell me how "great" I am because if you know me at all you'll know I'm not. I have my moments, but all in all I'm not as great as everyone thinks. I just feel like I have all these expectations that people have in their heads when they talk to me like that. Maybe I'm over-analyzing but it gets to a point where I just need someone to be honest with me and that's why I turned to Josh. When I asked him to be real he sent me a link to a website that I'm going to post. The article was great and it gave me a lot to think about. http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11620940/

If you read the article this next little rant will make a little more sense. Yes I am loved by God and yes, I was worth dying for. God loved me THAT much. It's just hard to understand sometimes. I know my flaws very well and the fact that even with my flaws God loves me still kind of amazes me. Then I think to myself, well ok God loves me but there is no possible way that someone could ever love the REAL me. The me that whines when she's tired. The me that stares at the scars on her skin. The me that is constantly worried that she'll never live up to the expectations her friends and family have for her. The me that's riddled with insecurities. The real me is not always pleasant to be around but she's always eager to please. Everyone wants to be loved, but I want a real love. Not a shallow, wistfully romantic love that fades as quickly as it starts, but a progressive love. One of mutual care and mutual service. That's the love I want and until that gets here it looks like its just me and God, and honestly, that's the perfect thing for me right now.