Toledo to Tokoyo...

Fall is back in full swing. The air is crisp. The leaves are crunchy and the apple festival is just in a few days. I love fall. I always have. Wait...scratch that. I feel like the love of fall is something that comes with age. Think back to when you were younger. All that mattered was NO SCHOOL. Fall automatically means school has started and even though the colors were beautiful, it meant that I would spend most of those beautiful fall days in Mrs. Cousin's classroom writing in cursive and doing my math problems. As I got older though, my love for fall blossomed. Now there's nothing better than being wrapped up in jackets and scarves taking a walk through wildwood while the leaves crunch underneath your sneakers. Its just a good feeling.

I'm wondering what God has in store for me these next couple weeks...months....years. I guess my life is just a blank canvas once again. I have all these ideas and plans being thrown about inside my head but at this point thats all they are....ideas. I would LOVE to study in England or Australia for a year but I'm still praying about it. It's like I have to make wise decisions now...I can't just make these decisions on a whim. It's already taking me a while to finish school. I don't want to be there forever. God is good though. I'm sure he'll show me where to go....

Sidenote : I bought Brandon Heath's newest album....phenomenal. I'm sure I'll post about one of his songs eventually....

Unpredictable...

College football season has started. Here come the millions of facebook statuses referencing the "big" game....the winning team, the losing team...the emotions depending on if their team won. This would probably be more exciting if I followed football as much as I follow basketball....I root for OSU. It's a family thing (with the exception of my mom) but don't expect to see me screaming at the television anytime soon. I'll leave that to my mother, sister, and brother-in-law...

On a slightly different and definitely a more important note...I'm still trying to figure out why God still has me here and where I'm to go next. God, what's the next move? I'm not stressing over it or anything like that...I'm just merely curious. Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to do? Help me to remember that YOU are what makes my life worthwhile and YOU are the one that makes my way perfect.

Psalms 18: 30-32

(30) God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
(31) For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock?
(32) God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect.

Francesca Battistelli - Unpredictable
Got my thoughts
I got my words
Got this head full of answers
Got You wrapped up
Got You under control
See my future like the past behind me
I think I know where You’re leading
Don’t need no questions
Don’t need no rocking the boat
But I just forget all the mystery
I just forget who You are

(Chorus)
When I know that I know
What You have down the road
When I’m sure that I’ve figured You out
Help me see that I’m small
That I can’t know it all
‘Cause You’re so unpredictable
‘Cause You’re so unpredictable

..... there are more lyrics but she couldn't have seen it any better. God continue to remind me that I'm insignificant. I don't know it all and MY way is not YOUR way and your way is what I need. You are what makes my life worthwhile.

a thankful prayer...

I'm a depraved and foolish human. I deserve nothing but pain and suffering...Jesus thank you for dying for me and for covering my sins. You have saved me from endless suffering and torture and I am forever indebted to you. Thank you for the things you have provided me with...for my salvation, my health. For the promise that you will never leave me or forsake me and for the endless love you have for me. I am not worthy Lord. Inspite of all my failures, you still love me. In my worries, you're there listening to me and giving me the peace I need. In my fears, you're there comforting me and reminding me to trust in you. You are my strength and portion forever God. I pray that you will continue to work in my life. I want your will for me Lord. Show me the path you want me to follow....

WHY WHY WHY?!

I'm trying really hard to keep up on my blogging and unfortunately its all just swirling down the crapper right now...so here's a snippet that's going on in my life....

God is good ALL the time. This is something that I'm struggling to remember...Everything that happens is in his perfect will for my life. HIS plan is much better than mine. These are all things I "know" but struggle to believe when things don't go my way. Let me fill you in. I am no longer going back to Indiana Wesleyan this semester...my loans didn't go through for some reason that is still unknown to me. In the days leading up to this I felt like something was going to happen....I was just very unsure as to why. WHY. This is the question I've been asking a lot lately. WHY am I still in Toledo? WHY didn't my loans go through? I just don't understand and I realize that God is God...I don't have to understand what's going on. I am in loving and completely capable hands. God knows what was going to happen today...last week...next week...and 30 years from now. WHY should I worry? WHY should I act like a petulant child? Right now I'm still in the confused questioning stage...obviously. All I can see right now is all the plans I made disintegrating before my very eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it....and you know what? that's ok. I'm not going to go back to pushing for my way. My way rarely works out well for me in the end. I'm just in a perpetual state of confusion these days...but I'm sure I'll come out on the other end grateful and happy for these moments.

Today I went to IWU to cancel all my classes, shut down my housing, and talk with financial aid. Needless to say it was a VERY long day. I miss my friends but for some reason I was just in a horrible mood while I was there. Just being there didn't really feel right...it was very confusing. Moment after moment I felt myself getting more and more irritated and aggrivated over the slightest things. Keep in mind that it is the first week of school so the freshman are EVERYWHERE. The student center was bustling with pretty much the entire campus. The offices were packed to the max with worried students (like myself) trying to get everything settled in to place for their semester. With every passing student and every long line I had to wait in, the little bits of patience I had disappeared quicker and quicker. It was like everything was just off...not just the timing, but my friendships, school work, loans...all these things combined just created this scenario that had me wondering what on earth God was doing. I'm still at that place. WHAT IS GOING ON?

[Isaiah 55:8-9]

Epic? Monumental? ehh...

Today was an epic day for the Lasater family. Ok maybe epic is too exciting of a word...today was a monumental day for the Lasater's. Dang...still sounds SUPER exciting.

Today my brother graduated from The Ohio State University. He's the first of the family to do so and it's just pretty thrilling I suppose. This morning I woke up bright and early to get ready and I'm not sure if I mentioned the fiasco with my bangs but needless to say..BANGS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE....especially for people with oily skin and oily foreheads. Now that you have that visual and understand how fun it is for me to get ready in the mornings...my mom and I headed to my Nana's house to caravan down to Columbus. The car ride went by in a peaceful sleep for me...the moments I was awake held some wonderful thoughts from Mark Driscoll. Fast forward to the actual ceremony. OH MY GOODNESS. While it's wonderful that my brother was graduating...I don't want to sit through a graduation ceremony again. Even my brother was listening to his ipod....its a good thing I have New Moon in my purse....

After the ceremony we took the traditional pictures with my 'non-traditional' family and jetted off to Easton for some delicious Mongolian BBQ. Then the entire dinner was spent convincing my family that 1. I don't need a boyfriend and 2. the waiter is probably not a Christian, not attractive, and had a tongue ring. Needless to say I'm not interested and my interests are elsewhere. Alas I have to say I love my great big disfunctional family :)

On another note...I had this epiphany of sorts today. I love music...thats kind of a no duh thing. I'm also a person that finds herself relating to songs. So I wondered if I could describe myself to someone through music...what songs would they be? Like what songs would be on the soundtrack of my life? I have a pretty hefty list going but if I'm actually going to make the cd I need to narrow it down quite a bit....I'll leave you with one song though.

Unusually Unusual - Lonestar....it seems to be a pretty fitting song for me. If you know me I'm sure you'll agree....lol

Sunday Sunday SUNDAY!

Oh what a beautiful Sunday! Today was a pretty awesome day...not gonna lie.

The sermon this morning was so great and it was definitely something I needed to hear. By female and sinful nature, I am a worrier. I worry all the time. Most of the time its over completely frivolous things...it's pretty much pointless. The sermon was called Why Pray When You Can Worry and it was taken out of Philippians 4:4-9.

(4) Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
(5)Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;
(6) do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
(7)And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(8)Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
(9)What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Pastor Duke then went on to talk about what worry actually was...SIN. By worrying, we as humans are not making much of God. Throughout the Bible, God is constantly telling us to not worry for he is near. Just take a look at verse 5. I have to agree with Pastor Duke when he states that it is one of the worst divisions in the Bible. "Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is near;" NOTICE the semi-colon...its important. In the NIV, theres a period trying to make it its own sentence and starting off verse 6 as a command. In reality, the Lord is near is the REASON we should not be anxious about anything. It's very simple, the Lord is near; THEREFORE do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. So we've established that worry/anxiety/fear..etc. are sins lets move on...

He goes on to say that in order to overcome worry, we need to replace it with thankful prayer. This is where looking on the bright side and optimism comes in. Instead of focusing on the fact that you've recently lost your job or some other form of unfortunate circumstance, praise God for the things you do have. We are debtors to God. We deserve nothing and everything that we do have is a blessing from him whether that be our health, family, homes...etc. We are blessed beyond what we deserve. Ladies and gentlemen, we deserve death and eternity in hell. Lets just think about this. Think about the most painful thing you have ever encountered whether that is a serious injury, a serious illness, or even a paper cut soaked in lemon juice....then times that by like a million zillion. THAT is what we deserve. God did us a HUGE favor by sending his son to die for us and we are forever indebted to Him. When you feel yourself start to worry, stop and turn it around. Praise him for what he has done and trust him to help you through. Use the same devotion that you use worrying to praising God and praying to him. There is a fine line between a healthy concern and worrying. A healthy concern is something that moves us to take action but ultimately trusts God for the outcome. Worrying is taking the burden upon yourself to carry around and thinking that God can't handle it....not a good place to be I assure you.

Pastor Duke also went on to talk about resting in God's promise and using our minds for God's purpose. In verse 7, God promises us that the peace of God, something our puny little human minds can't understand, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. God promises us that he'll take care of us. For example, in Matthew 6:25-34, a passage I've come to know well, we're reminded that God takes care of the birds of the air and he clothes the lilies in beauty and splendor. How much more does God care about us? He made us in HIS image...He's going to take care of us. He has a plan for each of our lives and we just need to trust him to guide us along the way. We're also told in verse 8 to think about GOOD things. Things that are pure, true, honorable...etc. These are the things we are to focus on. Thinking produces behavior and behavior reinforces thinking. Don't just sit back and passively listen to your sinful thoughts...and there is a way to overcome this...

the 3 R's
1. REBUKE : rebuke yourself and your sinful thinking.
2. RENEW : renew your mind with scripture. According to Ephesians 6, the only defense we have against sin and Satan is our sword of Truth, the scriptures.
3. REPLACE : replace worry with the opposite good. Instead of worrying, praise and thank God for what you do have and present your requests to Him ultimately trusting him for the outcome.

Like I said....this was a very good and much needed message for me to hear. I've been going through highs and lows lately, today especially when it comes to my future and all that entails. I've found myself fretting and worrying even today after the message about things that don't really matter. I'm just so thankful that I not only serve an almighty God that knows every detail of my life, but also that he loves me enough to forgive me when I stumble and fall day after day. Can I get an amen?!

Blessed be YOUR name...

So here I was about to launch into this long whiny blog post and I decided to journal first (yes I keep a journal AND a blog...I blog more than I journal lol). I started out and then kind of just stopped and smiled. I was about to write this whole entry about how my life is so confusing and so horrible and I felt myself falling back into the person that I was. That's not who I want to be anymore and when I really looked at what I was whining about I just laughed. In the end it doesn't matter. God knows every intricate detail of my life...why should I sweat if so and so likes me or not? I mean really...lets think about this. Why should I waste my time worrying about things God already knows? I want to do what HE wants for my life anyway. He'll bring the right person along at the right time at the right place. I don't want to screw that up so why even try and mess with it?

I find myself coming back to moments like this every week. I keep catching myself falling backwards into old habits and old routines. This is not good my friends but I'm thankful that God has been changing my heart so I can recognize when I'm starting to fall backwards and I can stop and pray for peace, encouragement, or strength to make it through. God is so good. I can't help but be thankful for all he's done in my life this summer.

My thoughts are so scattered right now and its hard to hold a thought but I'll leave you with this. The attitude I want to have in my life is best said in a very popular praise and worship song...Blessed Be YOUR Name. No matter what happens in my life blessed be your name.