Break is almost over. I cannot honestly believe that it is ending so quickly. Who knew that three little weeks could go by so quickly? Everything I wanted to accomplish, I didn't. Time is slowly ticking away and there is nothing I can do to stop it. On the other hand, I wish time would go faster. I wish life had a fast forward button. I wish I was able to fast forward or rewind to happier times. Times when life altering decisions weren't looming over your head. Times when one decision could ruin important relationships. Needless to say, I'm feeling a little melancholy.

I've been dreaming, probably more than I should, about the day I waltz on down the aisle. I cannot wait for the day I am bound spiritually and legally to one man for the rest of my life. He'll be my best friend, my confidant, and of course my most lovable annoyance. I'm not stupid, I know it won't always be wine and roses, but it'll be the best thing. I've got wedding brain lately and its...well not helping me be very patient.

I'm debating on my future. Two different paths are in front of me, a fork in the road if you will. I keep thinking about Frost's poem. C'mon now, everyone knows this poem. It's not hard to figure out. Yes, that's right I'm refering to The Road Not Taken.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

So this poses the question. Which road do I take? I can't take both. I can't go back and time and make a different decision. I just need to make one. I need guidance. Clear, open minded, knows-whats-best-for-you guidance.

Feliz Navidad!!

Merry Christmas Everyone! I have to say I do enjoy this holiday, however, I could do without all the holiday shoppers. This year everyone seemed to be in a very bitter mood, cranky and irriated. Christmas also completely snuck up on me this year. I officially finished all my shopping Christmas Eve and wrapped them all at 10:30 last night. It was interesting.....lol Anyway Christmas was good to me this year! Lots of clothing, solid amount of dvd's, and BOOKS! Hooray for books :)

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. It's been on my brain and what can I say, I can't wait! I've found me the one I'm going marry. Now it's just a matter of waiting until I get that ring on my finger. Maybe a year or two? Only time shall tell. Here I sit, watching 27 Dresses and dreaming about my day someday.....

I have offically made it through my first semester at IWU! Finals kicked my butt as I assumed they would but I am thankfully at home and I've been able to rest easy for a week now. Good times good times! It's been great to be home and see my friends and I have to admit I have missed my family a little bit! I do not miss the snow....well ok driving in the snow. We got a lot of snow the other day and I honestly thought I was going to die. Semi's think that they own the road and quite frankly its slightly obnoxious. Now I spend my days at home or at J. Crew wasting my break away. Before too long I'll be back at school with my nose to the grind stone and making big decisions in my life. For example, stay at IWU or go to beauty school? That is my current dilemna......

zero motivation...

I have zero motivation. None what so ever to study. I always seem to have this problem. I've never been a studier. It seems to come naturally for some, or maybe they just have a better work ethic than I do. I just don't have the motivation to do these things. Finals are stupid. I have two days standing between me and Toledo. Two days. I can do it!!!

So, Thursday was my last day in Foundations of Early Childhood and as much as my professor annoys the crap out of me, I can't help but listen to her moments of wisdom. She always reads us a devotional before class and typically its topic is sex or marriage, this one was slightly different. Ever heard of a guinea hen? Well these are the only types of hens that fly straight up instead of forward like most hens. While they're talented, they're stupid. Incredibly stupid. She told us a story of a friend of hers that owns a farm with plenty of guinea hens. Apparently one night, a fox or some other woodland creature came looking for a snack. Well, instead of using their talents and flying up...they ran around like stupid hens. If they just would've looked up and realized they could've escaped the fox's teeth by flying they wouldn't have died. Here's where this applies to life. Think about it...each one is blessed with different talents given to us by God. Now when things get so overwhelming and you feel like you're being chased by everything and everyone...are you going to be smarter than the guinea hen and look up and see that God is the escape route? He's the one that will help you through the moments of turmoil and he's the one that can save you. I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense...my brain has been fried by finals and academics, but if think about it and it might make a little more sense.

school,break,love

9 more days. 9 more days until the end of my first semester of college away from home. It's such an odd thought to me. I've always been a homebody. I never wanted to leave then in a matter of a couple months I was sick of the drama, sick of the routine, and sick of Toledo. Don't get me wrong, I still love my friends there but it came time for me to leave and now here I am nearing the end of my first semester as an "out-of-town" college student.

Breaks are great. They really are! Thanksgiving break for me was not only much anticipated, but also much needed. The week leading up to break was horrible for me. I just wanted to not worry about classes, get back home and see my friends and family, and just get away from the opinions of people here. Here I thought I was going to have this relaxing break, I didn't imagine that I wouldn't be getting much sleep during my time home. I arrived home Tuesday night and spent time with three people I never thought I would. I went to Frickers with Mel, Seth, and Caleb. Now there's nothing wrong with these three, it's just I've never really hung out with them. Mel is kind of the only exception to that rule seeing as he dated my best friend and all, but when that went kaput I never really thought to hang out with him. Well it all changed when I got the phone call that Caleb would be in town and I met up with them at Frickers. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty sure the time I spent with them was one of the highlights of my break. I am so amazed just by what God is doing in each one of their lives. With all the technology now, you think you know whats going on just by creeping on facebook and while you may have a good idea...you don't know the details that basically ties everything together. We all had a great conversation ranging from the basketball game playing in the background to what God has been doing in the lives of each of us. It was so much fun to see them and hang out with them! Hopefully I'll be invited to 'boy night' again?

Oh another note, I missed Nate. I know that sounds so lame but it's true. We were apart what...two days and I wanted him to be in Toledo. It was pretty pathetic I'm not going to lie. haha I do have to say though, it was pretty amazing when he just showed up in my room, even if he didn't have the flowers :) I think it's pretty obvious....we're in loooooveeeeee haha

A Day of Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving!!! *gobble gobble*

Today is a day for thankfulness. I have so many things to be thankful for. I have a loving God that not only loves me, but also has the best planned for me. I have a completely chaotic, unbelivably insane family that I am entirely excited for spending time with my family. I have so many other blessings that listing them would be endless. I am just so blessed.

"....I have been blessedAnd I feel like I've found my way I thank God for all I've been given at the end of every dayI have been blessed with so much more than I deserve to be here with the ones that love me to love them so much it hurts I have been blessed....."
-Blessed, Martina McBride

countdown to break!

One more week. One more week until Thanksgiving. One more week until seeing my friends. One more week until I can be home, working, seeing old friends, eating, and being thankful.

I am incredibly exicted to see my work friends! I haven't seen Ethan, Anthony, Colleen, or Katherine since summer! I can't wait to see they're beautiful faces.....especially Ethan's lol He's my handsome prep school boy. lol

On an IWU note. Nate and I are back on the up and up....but I'm still having patience issues. I want things to move along a little quicker than they are but really rushing into things would be pretty stupid? I don't know. I know what I want and what I'm thinking.....guess I just can't control his thinking. Its all good though, things could be worse! Things have been worse. I just find myself easily frusterated with him sometimes, but I guess that's what happens? Don't get me wrong....I care a lot about him, but for some reason I just feel like we need to space ourselves out, but not for a long time. Another reason why I'm excited for Thanksgiving Break. He'll be here, I'll be home doing Lord only knows. Five whole days apart will do us some good!

dreaming with a broken heart...

No one says it quite like John Mayer. I find myself in the same situation as I typically end up in concerning those creatures of the opposite sex. I find myself one I deem worth my time, now keep in mind this is the same boy that I have put many hours of time, thoughts, prayers, and energy into and now here I am; confused at where I stand, upset that we keep hitting this wall, wondering if I am just making the worst decision ever. I am incredibly confused as to why it keeps coming to this place. All my friends tell me to let it go. He's a douche, not worth my time. Why am I not listening? I don't understand what the problem is. Why do I put up with it? Am I really being walked all over? Why is it that seeing the negative is the easiest thing to do in any relationship? I really just don't get it. He's done so many good things, said so many sweet things. At the same time though, he's shut me out. Kept his thoughts to himself. He's not ready for a relationship. He needs his time. I don't know if he'll ever be ready. Oh gosh....what did I get myself into this time.

Hate is a strong word....

How many times a day do you think you use that word? People are so quick to say how much they hate something or someone. We use that term so loosely and I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. Aren't we told by God to only hate what is evil? In Romans, we're told that our love must be sincere and we are commanded throughout the Bible to love. Well if our love is sincere we can't hate people right? So why is it that whenever someone hurts us by the choices they make we go straight to hatred. I think for me its like a defense mechanism. I figure if I hate that person then they can't hurt me, but I'm pretty sure in reality I'm just hurting myself. By clinging on to that hatred I can't let it go then I'm walking around weighed down with all this anger and resentment towards one person or in some cases more than one person. It's like I'm loading a wagon of crap....just piles and piles of dirty, smelly, crap and pulling it around with me. It's so not fun and I think I'm finally coming to a place in my life where I can forgive and love. It sounds so easy right? Trust me. It's not. Especially when the hurt is so deep. But I also believe in loving the person and hating the sin. For example....having a father who chooses to be a homosexual. I love my father....he's hilarious and I mean c'mon....it's my dad. I spent so many years hating him for leaving my mother, putting us through (for a lack of better term) hell, and turning his back on God and his family. I lugged around this wagon of crap and after awhile you just get tired of pulling the wagon so you can do one of two things. You can either roll in the crap and be consumed by the nastiness and smell and be unhappy, or you can let go of the handle. I chose to let go of the handle and let me tell you, it has been a total relief. I no longer have a crap wagon and I smell like roses. Now by no means am I perfect and so many times something happens that makes me want to get a new wagon and begin to pile on the crap, but some how I keep remembering how unhappy and how not fun a wagon full of crap is.

happy sweetest day!

It's sweetest day. Hooray for another hallmark holiday! However, I buy into them and I actually enjoy them even if I am single :)

Well, it's fall break. Oh my land! Half way through my first semester as an IWU student and I love it! Midterms pretty much kicked my butt....but oh well I knew that would happen. Well the ride home for break was....less than exciting. We drove home....enjoyed some of my music....and well that's about it! Thursday night I was able to go see Nate's parents which made me SO happy. I absolutely adore them and of course I saw Leo. I love his pup too. Last night though we went to a haunted house....NEVER AGAIN. The worst thing in the entire world. First of all, I can't stand people in costumes. It is SO CREEPY. Second of all, people popping out at you. NO THANK YOU. Scary movies I can do, haunted houses and such no thank you. Today I'm pretty excited. Park with Josh then Rent with Paige. Amazingness! :)

Apple Traditions

Ever since my sister met my brother-in-law we have all gone to the Macqueen's Apple Festival to pick apples and just hang out. Oh my word I love this tradition. I almost didn't come back for it because really....how great can it be? I'm so happy I came home. One I needed to clear my head from some of the situations back at school and two it was one of those things where its tradition. You can't really just stop tradition you know? Needless to say it was a wonderful day of climbing trees, homemade donuts, and some good old fashion apple picking :) Best fall tradition EVER

S.O.S.

It doesn't cease to amaze me how quickly I change my mind. I'm so fickle about so many things. I don't seem to know what I want. In one corner, there is someone that's new and pretty awesome, but in the other corner there is the familiar person that you have easy access to. So what do I do? Neither one is a guarantee of course. I just am so lost as what to do. I have fallen into this cycle so many times and its starting to take its toll on me both physically and emotionally. I always come back to this place where I've completely thrown in the towel and I'm ok with it and I'm ok with where I am in life. Then...BAM...blind-sided. So here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between the unfamiliar and familiar. While one is new and exciting, there is potentially for heartbreak. The other has left a cycle of heartbreak, but what if this time it really is different. See the dilemna? Here's my thinking. I'm going to do the only thing I really can do. Let go and let God.

the product of sleep deprivation...

Ever feel like you are just taking too much on yourself? You get stretched so thin that you find it hard just to keep afloat? That my friends is where I sit today. I'm on the losing end of a battle of emotions. With one hand I'm trying to move on and keep my emotional state intact and then with the other hand I'm trying to hold up my best friend here and make sure he is ok as well. I know what he's going through and I'm praying that he just lets God bring him to the otherside.

I just wish we could all get along really. I'm sick of people assuming that they know you because of what they see on myspace or facebook. I guess I'm kind of preaching to myself on that one. So many times I just write people off because of what I've heard and because of what she looks like. I'm so not ready to play these games anymore really. We're in college now. Look sweetheart. If you want him. You've got him. I won't play anymore. He's all yours.

its been one week.

Its amazing how many horrible/frusterating/amazingly wonderful things can happen in one week. I am so frusterated and so upset but by the grace of God I'm still finding ways to laugh and smile! lol We truely serve an amazing God. Throughout all this chaos I feel like He is standing right next to me holding me up by my armpits.

I took my first weekend trip home. So weird. Incredibly weird. I had been gone for one month and coming back was so surreal. I've never had a feeling like that and to experience it was so odd. I loved it though! It was just another sign of growing up and maturing. I know I'll never forget the lessons I've learned in Toledo. I'll never forget the people that influenced my life there, but I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that I'm no longer there. It was my time to leave and thank God I did.

I'm just happy at this place in life and for me to say that considering the week I've had so far is pretty impressive. God's working here. I'm not sure what exactly he's changing but I know he is. It sounds completely vague I'm aware but there is just some many things going on that usually would cause a breakdown for me and here I sit....smiling. It's an incredible feeling. Thank you Jesus.

night time ramblings

I don't really have anything relevant to say. Just a lot of blurbs or ramblings if you will.

Let me start off by saying I am completely envious of the writing skills of some of my peers. They are just great story tellers and when they write it sounds so....smart. Even if it is just a random sentence, it just sounds intelligence. Now I'm not stupid, but I'm not a beautiful writer. I wish I was. I wish that I had the talents of eloquent writing but unfortunately I don't have the skills or the vocabulary to do so. I guess that's the wonderful aspect of mediocrity.

Secondly, I wish I was a better person. I know I have the power to change but after years of acting the way I do I have a feeling that habits are going to be hard to break. I don't think I'm a horrible person. I think I'm actually pretty awesome at some points, but I have my down falls. For example, I'm quick to write people off, but it's people that I don't know very well. I'm big on first impressions. Make a bad first impression and I'm sorry son...you're out of there. Then I have those people in my life that just continually screw me over, constantly hurt me, and do nothing but use me and I put up with it. I don't understand what my thought process is on that. What is wrong with me? Love might have something to do with it. I care about these people so I put up with it even if it's emotionally draining for me. I'm not too sure if that's a good quality to have. Oh the joys of growing up.

Lastly, I miss my family. I'm immensely excited to have the oppurtunity to go home this weekend! Sadly some of the people I want to see most and that I would love to sit down and have a good heart to heart talk with won't be there. For example, my brothers. Justin knows my many romantic woes. He knows every aspect of every relationship I've been in. He knows when I'm being stupid and doesn't hesitate to tell me. However, most the time I choose not to listen to him and then of course I usually end up telling him he was completely right. And then there's Craig. He's emo, cynical, and incredibly sarcastic but he has one of the biggest hearts I know...atleast concerning his little sister :) He's basically a genius and so creative. I'm so jealous of him for that reason. I'm not creative. I'm crafty and that's about it. He's aweseome though and I miss him. Why is it these brothers of mine had to move away? Especially when I'm having "boyfriend fever" this is usually when I need their input the most. I guess a phone call will have to do...

gimme a man after midnight...

I want a boyfriend. I don't really know why but I just do. I miss the whole boyfriend aspect of life. I miss having someone to cuddle with. A boy to look forward to talking to everyday. Someone that'll listen to me complain when I'm having a bad day and then make a stupid joke to make me smile again. I just want a boyfriend. lol

the importance of being broken.

What is the importance of being broken? I honestly could not tell you. I don't know what is wrong. I don't know why I feel like this. I don't know why God is having me go through this rough patch but all I can say is I do not like it. I'm finding myself angry and upset and frusterated and just SO CONFUSED. Why is it that my spirit is broken?! I don't know what the cause of it is. I don't know what is wrong. I'm just kind of here wondering why God is having me feel so alone. I don't know what I'm supposed to be learning out of this. I'm not seeing the point.

"God always works with people where they are, doing for them what they need most"
^that seems to be the only source of encouragment right now.

quickly quickly quickly

just a quick update. today was the kick off to Summit which is IWU's spiritual emphasis week. we had a prayer and fellowship time in the end lounge and I can tell that God is working. He's doing something in me that I'm so thankful for. I still cannot tell you what exactly it is but i can tell you he's working. I was in a group tonight with three other girls and we all kind of just went around and shared and prayed together and each one of us has our own struggles that we're going through. I mean I told them how it has been hard this first week and they all kind of understood and I just kind of felt welcomed in to their circle. I don't want to sound critical or pessimistic but we'll see how long it lasts! I'm hoping that tonight was the begining of the end of my pity parties!

i hope you're proud...

I've been here at IWU for an official week and I have finally found people to relate to! I'm pretty sure being a transfer student is the hardest thing in the world. Everyone else has atleast a year up on you. They are all settled in with their friends and there you are. Just trying to fit in and find your niche. Thank God he's let me meet these two girls. I have a feeling that they might be my support system through this semester! I'm still hoping to make some new friends but I'm not retarded...I know it'll take some more time.

On another note. Love is really not in the cards for me apparently. Atleast not love with a person that isn't worth it. God knows who he wants me to end up with. And God also knows that patience isn't something that I'm very good at. I'm thinking that he's trying to teach me patience right now. Hopefully this will be an easy lesson to learn...but I'm thinking that like most lessons...it will be a hard battle.

one step at a time...

"...you wanna show the world but no one knows your name yet wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it you know you can if you get the chance in your face and the door keeps slamming now you're feeling more and more frusterated and you're getting all kind of impatient waiting we live and we learn to take one step at a time there's no need to rush it's like learning to fly or falling in love it's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen that we find the reasons why one step at a time..." - just a little exerpt from Jordin Spark's new song One Step At A Time. It's a new favorite of mine!

Well things are starting to get better. I'm taking more initiative and getting out there and being social. Tonight we had a block party outside my dorm and I karaoked with a couple girls off my unit and it was actually enjoyable! God's blessed me with the oppurtunity to be here and I want to make the most of each situation! I've got some great girls on my floor and shying away like i have been recently just isn't like me. I just need to put myself out there like I usually do. I don't know what's wrong with me other than I've been sulking in my pity party a little too long.

I have officially made it through my first round of classes and this semester doesn't seem like it will be too bad. My 7:50 is going to be a challenge and so will my 8:55 Old Testament. I mean I'm completely aware that every aspect of the Bible is important...however trying to read through the Old Testament will be well...difficult. If anything I'll learn something right? right. Good pep talk lol

the bittertaste of applesauce and toothpaste..

Well at the moment I'm supposed to be at my unit devotions, however I have NO clue where they are...and like a fool I didn't ask anyone cause I'm shy. Ok I'm not shy...maybe just a little too stubborn to ask for help. That's probably going to be my down fall here. I don't want to have to ask for help. I want to do everything on my own.

This week I've been trying to keep in touch with those that have already left for school. It seems that we come to the same conclusion. Once we have that core group of friends we'll be ok but until that happens we're kind of just...here. I know it takes time. You don't just instantly become best friends with somebody. I know all of this, but I still can't shake the feeling that I'm kind of just here. Existing. I'll get through it I'm sure and I do have some friends here which is helpful. I just don't like being that clingy be-my-friend girl...so here I sit. Alone in my dorm room listening to the giggles of the best friends outside my door. Am I pathetic or what? haha

IWU

well here I sit! I'm all moved in and it is wonderful! I've met some really cool people...most of them being male but really this is me we're talking to. Why should anyone be surprised? lol

It's funny how God works. I was kind of nervous about this whole moving out and being alone thing. Don't get me wrong I was crazy excited but still nervous. So I come into my dorm to get my key and who do I see but Heather Moline! Not only is she in my dorm. She is my neighbor. Her room is right next to mine! It's just so nice to see a familiar face especially when its right next door! Needless to say I think it's going to be a great year! Things have kind of gotten off to a little bit of a rocky start..but now that my internet finally seems to be cooperating (knock on wood) I'm hoping that I'll be able to catch up with some people back home! yay for growing up and being in school! lol

leaving on a jet plane...

Well here I sit at 1:48 in the morning (according to my computer). I need to sleep so badly tomorrow....err well today is going to be an extremely long day! Today is my last day in Toledo. I have to not only finish packing, but manage to say goodbye to all my friends and family. Maybe even get my nose pierced? I am so ready to start this new phase in life, but I am so nervous at the same time! What if nobody likes me. What if I don't get along with anyone! Now I know these fears are completely ridiculous because one person is atleast bound to like me but still. I feel like it's the first day of kindergarten and in order to make friends I'll have to share my juice box or trade the popular girl my nutter bar for her squishy pear. Nice analagy right? I do have to say though I cannot stay in Toledo much longer. There is far too much drama that I simply don't have the energy to deal with! Everyone seems to believe in me. Everyone says they will be praying for me. Now it's time for me to suck it up. Buck up. and be the big girl I know I'm supposed to become!

its a lyrical post...

Up and Up - Relient K
Yesterday is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today with every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see (what you see)
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for you

I truly love Relient K. Not only is there music catchy and enjoyable but it also reminds me of what i'm supposed to be doing. I have a lot of changing to do. I have a lot of growing up to do. The longer I focus on the past the harder it will be for those changes to occur. I have love and lost. I have made terrible decisions. I have made wonderful friends. I have been blessed beyond all compare.

the strain of packing...

It is a never ending process. I have far too much clothing and far too much everything. Trying to "pack the essentials" is basically nearly impossible.

So I almost started crying in church today. I have been at that church my entire life. I was born into Emmanuel Baptist. I've seen the highs, I've seen the lows. I have seen preachers come and go and I love that church. Sitting there this morning listening to Pastor Snyder knowing that it's my last time to regularly attend with my family was just so.....weird. It was just a lot to take in at once. Next Sunday I will be in Indiana. Here goes nothing.

Reach for the Stars...

One Week!
One week and I am out of Toledo. Out of my comfort zone. Out of the drama! I can hardly contain my excitement! I can't wait to meet new people, make new friends, and just be independent. There is still so much to do and so many people to bid adieu. I'll miss my friends but it seems like God is just letting certain people get under my skin to make it easier to transition. It seems like he's just put a lot of circumstances in my way to kind of make it easier to just break away. He's also been answering so many prayers! My financial aid has come through and my first year is paid for! He's also provided a way for me to get all of my dorm supplies and school supplies through the help of my dad. I just feel like for once it is where I'm supposed to be. I feel like I'm actually listening to God's calling and with His help it'll be a snap. I'm so thankful I have a loving God that directs my life!

And i have returned. This seem much more "accomplished" than silly old xanga. 9 days is that i have left before i leave all that i know and all that i am comfortable with and set off to become the person i'm supposed to be. well this should be entertaining.

Words of Wisdom

"don't surround yourself with the people who are just fun. surround yourself with people who love God enough to love you enough to hurt you. as you know and will soon know better, not everyone there wants to follow Christ...in fact, most will not. so find the people who love God enough to love you enough to hurt you when you need it." - Caleb McClarren

This is the best piece of advice I've gotten so far about going away to school. Knowing that next year I'm going to have to make all new friends and form all new relationships is really starting to be overwhelming for me. I love my friends here and I haven't been without most of them for longer than a week. Now I'm going to be 3 hours away where I'll be experiencing new things, meeting new people, taking a much harder curriculum in comparison to UT. I don't know how much time I'll have to phone home and I know the relationships that I've formed here are going to change. So when I do something really stupid I'm going to need someone to tell me it was stupid. Oay...I'm going to need to find a new Gretchen and a new Alicia and a new Chelsea. That my friends is going to be impossible. What am I going to do?!

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July everybody!

I love the 4th of July. I don't know if its because of the bbq's or the watermelon, or the fireworks but i love the 4th! Typically by this time every year I'm walking around Whitehouse with Libby pondering love, life, and the future. However, this year I'm forced to do things differently. For starters, Libby is in Mexico on a missions trip, not here to talk with. Secondly, I'm not going to Whitehouse for the usual barbeque, I'll be in Bowling Green just for fireworks. Thirdly, I don't have a boy to go with. Now I know this sounds incredibly petty but for the past five 4th of July's I've had a boy to cuddle with under the fireworks making for incredibly romantic moments. This year...nada. No one for Chelsea. But maybe this is a good thing? Tonight, it'll be just me with my sister and brother-in-law. Should prove to be an interesting night :)

It seems that I can't seem to let things settle. As much as I'd like to I have a tendency to make really stupid decisions. Tonight, although it wasn't a stupid decision, it was one that is going to well...complicate things. Why is it that patience is so hard sometimes? Why can't I just be happy with the way things are? Well, what's done is done. There's nothing left to say about it other than it's going to be a bumpy ride. But will he go with me?

here we go...

ladies and gentlemen...here we go.....

Everyone else has seemed to make the move from xanga so i figured what the heck why not! these will be ramblings....basically about love life and other things i dont seem to understand.