night time ramblings

I don't really have anything relevant to say. Just a lot of blurbs or ramblings if you will.

Let me start off by saying I am completely envious of the writing skills of some of my peers. They are just great story tellers and when they write it sounds so....smart. Even if it is just a random sentence, it just sounds intelligence. Now I'm not stupid, but I'm not a beautiful writer. I wish I was. I wish that I had the talents of eloquent writing but unfortunately I don't have the skills or the vocabulary to do so. I guess that's the wonderful aspect of mediocrity.

Secondly, I wish I was a better person. I know I have the power to change but after years of acting the way I do I have a feeling that habits are going to be hard to break. I don't think I'm a horrible person. I think I'm actually pretty awesome at some points, but I have my down falls. For example, I'm quick to write people off, but it's people that I don't know very well. I'm big on first impressions. Make a bad first impression and I'm sorry son...you're out of there. Then I have those people in my life that just continually screw me over, constantly hurt me, and do nothing but use me and I put up with it. I don't understand what my thought process is on that. What is wrong with me? Love might have something to do with it. I care about these people so I put up with it even if it's emotionally draining for me. I'm not too sure if that's a good quality to have. Oh the joys of growing up.

Lastly, I miss my family. I'm immensely excited to have the oppurtunity to go home this weekend! Sadly some of the people I want to see most and that I would love to sit down and have a good heart to heart talk with won't be there. For example, my brothers. Justin knows my many romantic woes. He knows every aspect of every relationship I've been in. He knows when I'm being stupid and doesn't hesitate to tell me. However, most the time I choose not to listen to him and then of course I usually end up telling him he was completely right. And then there's Craig. He's emo, cynical, and incredibly sarcastic but he has one of the biggest hearts I know...atleast concerning his little sister :) He's basically a genius and so creative. I'm so jealous of him for that reason. I'm not creative. I'm crafty and that's about it. He's aweseome though and I miss him. Why is it these brothers of mine had to move away? Especially when I'm having "boyfriend fever" this is usually when I need their input the most. I guess a phone call will have to do...