decisions, decisions...

Ever wish that time travel was real? Maybe not actually go back in time...but have a video record of what could have happened based on decisions you've made. You could see the outcome of what could have actually happened. I have to say I wish I did. I know the days I'd go back to. The wrong decisions that were made, but I wonder even if I made the other decision would it have turned out any better? I'm not going to lie, I really regret some of the decisions I've made in the past couple years. I've screwed up quite a few times. Yes, I've made quite a few mistakes. Now I'm not sure what to do...put the walls back up? Take some time to recover and piece my life back together? Not sure I like that option...it involves pushing people away...taking time to myself...and letting in the few people that have never let me down...

Disappointment is such a funny thing. You always think you know how you're going to handle it...that is until it happens and you're just like wow...this hurts a lot more than I thought it would...You know it sucks when you don't know what to do. I've been at this place countless times...and I'm starting to get tired of it. Trying to find the solution to the issue...not gonna be easy...I wish I wasn't such a disappointment to you God. I don't know how it is that you could possible still love me. I don't deserve it. I've made the same mistakes over and over and over again...thank you for still being here for me. Help me learn my lesson for good this time God. I want to be a better Christian for you...