two-a-day? kind of?

Well I realize I just updated a few hours ago...but blogging helps me see and process what I'm thinking through. Currently I've just had a lot on my mind. A lot of pressure. I've been upset, angry, hurt, disappointed, jealousy, and hurt again. These are the emotions that have plagued my past few weeks. They're not pretty ones. I'm having the hardest time trying to be happy. I've cried, a lot. It's been intense and I'm tired of crying out of hopelessness. Today, I made use of my crying and I cried...hard. I cried out to God. It's something that I've been struggling to do. I keep thinking that I can make this through with my own strength...and I can't. I've given it over to Him. He's the only one that can control the situation the way it needs to be. I still don't know what I'm going to do...but I'm spending a lot of time praying about it. I've been looking up passage after passage having to deal with friendship, forgiveness, jealousy, commitment...etc. I'm waiting for God to guide me in the direction I need to go. I deserve respect and I deserve more than I'm getting...but I can't demand it. All I can do is pray that God shows me the correct way to handle the situation. Walk far away and give up hope? or do I suffer through the pain and the hurt. Stand by his side and do my best to be there for him. Both don't seem like really great options, but I know I'd be able to handle either one with God's help. I'm just at a loss as to what that is right now...Open my eyes and my heart God! Let me see your will for this.